A Different Kind of Life

I’m sitting in the running car outside of my own house, listening to an awful radio station because it’s what comes in. My groceries need to be refrigerated so I have the AC on. The ribs I had planned for dinner needed to go in 30 minutes ago in order to be ready on time (and not mess with our bedtime routine) so I’ve come up with a new dinner plan that has nothing to do with the ribs that have been marinating since 9 a.m.

My daughter is asleep in the back seat. If I try to move her she’ll wake up. If she wakes up too early from what will be her last nap of the day there’s a very good chance my generally happy life will suddenly royally suck. So, here we sit. Her, sleeping. Me, protecting the sanity of a household.

Two things occur to me while I sit and wait listening to truly horrific music. One is that I’m really grateful to own a smart phone in moments like these. The second is that motherhood has made me an entirely different person than I used to be.

My house looks a bit like it recently played host to an infant fraternity. I admit I have forgotten to cook a vegetable with dinner more than I’ve remembered lately. My eyebrows are threatening a facial take over and, more often than not, my leaving-the-house outfits are comprised of whatever sort-of-matches, fits, and has the least amount of food or spit up on it. When I see friends who don’t have young kids we have these awkward pauses that were never there before while we figure out where we still connect. I used to throw dinner parties that started at 8 p.m., now I rarely accept an invitation that starts later than 2 p.m.

I’m different, life is different. I say things and do things (and wear things!) I swore I never would.

It’s an adjustment. Sometimes it’s a really, really hard adjustment, but it’s okay. It’s more than okay. It’s fantastic. It’s a gift. It’s a finding of self I never imagined. This little girl has changed me, it’s true, and I couldn’t be happier with where we’re headed.

I am, however, going to invest in a few CDs for the car.

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