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tightrope

tightrope

An except from my journal, “Why is it so hard to stay riveted on God?! Why when I freely proclaim and hold such gratitude for all that He’s done for me and that He’s saved me from, do I so quickly ‘burn out’?  Is it the same peculiar personality trait that makes me an addict […]

Hard to make the right choice

the look of success

I’m not going to do anything stupid. Today. It’s only that… the beast that lives within seems to have awoken with voracious appetite i want to devour all things deadly and destructive to sicken myself to the point of normalcy restless and impatient and rebelliously creative i want to find the line just to cross […]

Waiting for the brain to stop.
faceless

who are you am i

who are you inside my head clawing out a space like redecorating is somehow your perogative who are you that sends me plummeting full speed from 60 to 0 without warning i’m not standing for it anymore who are you with wicked laugh and mocking smile that whispers lies and expects belief who are you […]

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friendship isn’t love

i am wide awake tired running on all cylinders trying to forget   you’re not real again   i know every time i try every time it’s the same trying to forget   friendship is different than love and expectation sometimes i forget   i’m sorry i made you up again

Introspection
liberated

Liberated

No more shallow living driven by every compulsion, the unspoken code of the Beautiful People, the Tragically Hip… no more wishing for daylight to pass so you can shut out your emptiness by using a drink (or a scene or a person)… no more being an It Girl masking fearful emptiness… no more pretentious social […]

Anorexia-nervosa

so many sizes

Reading the memoir of a woman and her eating disorder, her first realization of body (4) and purge (8) and I, with a resigned sort of horror, discover jealousy brewing.  I ask what may be the most ludicrous of my many questions yet:  why couldn’t I have begun my eating disorder as a child – […]

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like how to say goodbye

There are things I want to know. Like, what’s it like to be loved for who I am and not who you thought I would be… or could be or should be or am going to become and not for what I bring that one thing you find lacking in yourself Maguire was wrong baby, […]

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Simplicity of choice

I do not mean to diminish the potential of redemption and restoration when I tell you that my life will never be what it could have been. I do not confuse the reality of consequence with some sort of lacking in the promise of grace and mercy. It is with a new awareness that I […]