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Waiting for the brain to stop.

who are you am i

who are you inside my head clawing out a space like redecorating is somehow your perogative who are you that sends me plummeting full speed from 60 to 0 without warning i’m not standing for it anymore who are you with wicked laugh and mocking smile that whispers lies and expects belief who are you […]


friendship isn’t love

i am wide awake tired running on all cylinders trying to forget   you’re not real again   i know every time i try every time it’s the same trying to forget   friendship is different than love and expectation sometimes i forget   i’m sorry i made you up again



No more shallow living driven by every compulsion, the unspoken code of the Beautiful People, the Tragically Hip… no more wishing for daylight to pass so you can shut out your emptiness by using a drink (or a scene or a person)… no more being an It Girl masking fearful emptiness… no more pretentious social […]


so many sizes

Reading the memoir of a woman and her eating disorder, her first realization of body (4) and purge (8) and I, with a resigned sort of horror, discover jealousy brewing.  I ask what may be the most ludicrous of my many questions yet:  why couldn’t I have begun my eating disorder as a child – […]


like how to say goodbye

There are things I want to know. Like, what’s it like to be loved for who I am and not who you thought I would be… or could be or should be or am going to become and not for what I bring that one thing you find lacking in yourself Maguire was wrong baby, […]


Simplicity of choice

I do not mean to diminish the potential of redemption and restoration when I tell you that my life will never be what it could have been. I do not confuse the reality of consequence with some sort of lacking in the promise of grace and mercy. It is with a new awareness that I […]

Fetteren min stuper fra hyttegavlen, men hvor lander han?

Letting go (have no fear)

Fear is the great crippler of our generation. Fear that the things that have been promised to us are not real, that the Promised Land is filled with giants too formidable to be slain afterall. There is, in this generation, a pattern of those we have trusted over-promising and under-delivering. Looking around we are convinced […]



your flattery will never fill the vacuous hole that is my ego colossally futile your words lose their taste in rhythm with their sound do not misunderstand! without the reflection in your eyes i simply disappear your honeyed words the skeleton on which I drape this self if the power of your words is to […]