And I think that this – this thing that we have to somehow fix, this thing we have to find the answer for – this is not a single fight of a single man, or woman, or race, or nation. There is no religion or dogma or system of belief or freedom under attack. This is a thing that is bigger than your gun, or your geography, or your rights, whatever you may hold them to be.

There is this feeling I sometimes feel. It’s so powerful, it feels like reality. Like, not just a feeling that comes and go’s and wanes and grows over months or weeks or sometimes mere hours, it feels like it’s forever, like it’s reality. It is this feeling where I look in the mirror and I […]

Today, Standing with my back to the four windowed corner of my dining room, Wearing a simple black dress that my husband loves, and bare feet, My hair in yesterday’s mohawk (that my six year old nephew thinks is cool). Bare faced. Today, In that moment, surveying my dirty house while I hummed a tune, […]

You are not your enemy. Addiction is your enemy. Your silence does not protect your dignity, it promotes the stigma of your disease. The disease lives in you but it does not define you. You define you.

Yesterday I broke. I knew it was coming. I could feel myself getting rougher around the edges. Edgier, more impulsive, more inclined to sudden fits of rage. I’m weaning off of my mood stabilizing medication in preparation for childbirth in five weeks and the new, breastfeeding safe, medication that will start after that. I’m beginning […]

My husband didn’t know about my addiction and alcoholism until we were hip deep into our relationship. He didn’t know how much I truly loathed winter until we were married. He didn’t know I had a mental illness until we had a baby. I didn’t keep things from him, I just didn’t know. We moved […]

I’ve been trying to write about my mom for a long time. I start and I can’t finish. I just don’t know what to say. It’s just that I don’t understand. Writing is usually a way to help me understand – myself, other people, the world – but it doesn’t matter how I spin it, […]

Have you noticed that the one thing it’s totally okay for moms to feel guilty (and be made to feel guilty about) is television watching? Every post or blog that even has the word “television” in it also includes some lengthy disclaimer about types of carefully selected shows or carefully monitored time or extreme circumstances that allow for the horror that is your children watching tv.

Sometimes I don’t want to spin positive. I don’t want to look at a glass and be mindful that is half full. Being bipolar sucks. Even with acceptance and awareness and proper management, it sucks and it’s always going to suck, at least on some level at some amount. I think it’s the unpredictability that […]

I have been diagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar ii. I like to tell people it’s “not the crazy crazy kind of bipolar” but who am I kidding? I am crazy as hell some days. My mental illness results in lots of anxiety, sometimes an undercurrent and sometimes a tidal wave, and depression that ranges from […]