Sometimes I don’t want to spin positive. I don’t want to look at a glass and be mindful that is half full. Being bipolar sucks. Even with acceptance and awareness and proper management, it sucks and it’s always going to suck, at least on some level at some amount. I think it’s the unpredictability that […]
I have been diagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar ii. I like to tell people it’s “not the crazy crazy kind of bipolar” but who am I kidding? I am crazy as hell some days. My mental illness results in lots of anxiety, sometimes an undercurrent and sometimes a tidal wave, and depression that ranges from […]
You bring restoration… I’m singing the words in the shower but I have no idea who I’m singing them to. You bring restoration… I barely even know what the words I’m singing mean anymore. You bring restoration… to my soul. I am always, always, either fully confident in… or fully afraid of… the state of […]
As some of you know, last week I had what was, for me, a rather significant falling apart. It didn’t come all at once and there wasn’t much of a public showdown, but it was powerful and awful and very scary. It was an emotional break several weeks in the making while I ignored red […]
Why do people with mental illness kill themselves when all they have to do is reach out for help? As some of you may remember, I recently went off my mood stabilizing medication in order to get pregnant. At first it was fine. I felt pretty okay. But things soon started to deteriorate. I felt […]
It’s important for you to know and to remember that you are 99.9% unlike most any other person you’re ever going to meet. Because the entire world is going to tell you things that they expect to work for you to fix the things that are “wrong” with you. And they’re mostly going to tell you the things that worked to fix them. But you’re not them. And maybe some of their things will work for you and maybe some of their things won’t.
I don’t know most of the people who follow my Facebook page at this point. It’s an incredible and humbling thing, to be allowed to speak on topics so personal to total strangers. I confess, I pretend that you are *all* strangers, that no one I know reads this. I pretend, while I write, that I […]
I hate relationships. It’s a terribly unfeminine trait, I know. But I do. I hate them, I always have. I hate the confusion of them, the work of them, the upkeep. I feel calmer and more at peace with myself when I am not responsible to or for anyone. When the first and final opinion […]
She is clinging to my leg and my skin is crawling. “Mommy is just getting you a bowl of cereal, darling, I can pick you up in just a minute.” I am hoping she can not hear the rising panic in my voice. I make sure to speak pleasantly and slowly; I work hard to […]
If marijuana was a legal substance, and were I to smoke it, I would want to tell you about it. If you’re a regular reader of mine you know I don’t like to keep secrets or, rather, I don’t like to present a half truth. For me, if I am to share with you how […]