Seana Speaks

PTSD & Self-Care

Here is another blog post written by my friend, Jill Lillis. Read this one slowly and a couple of times over to make sure you really catch the fullness of what she is saying. There is brilliant insight in this. On the subject of maintaining your self-care practices when Complex PTSD symptoms are overwhelming and […]

Sure of What You Know

Today I feel as if I am taking my first good, deep breath in nearly two weeks. I’ve been reading a book (Why Am I Still Depressed by Jim Phelps) about Bipolar ii Disorder and learned that, if you pay careful attention, you can tell when your mood is about to shift. The author says […]

I Choose This

One slow finger at a time, with white-knuckled concentration, I form my hands, tightly wrapped, around the bars of life. I hold on. Reminding myself of where I am, of who I am, of what these bars represent, I hold on. This life, the one I have chosen, the one I have made and designed […]

Irrelevant

folding into myself searching for relevance seeking the quiet which is never found within exhausted and spent with nothing to show no trophies of pleasure no martyr of sacrifice hollow with an echo hello hello hello

Sunday

Sunday’s are normally the day I get refilled, a day of renewal. After a week’s worth of nurturing a baby, running a home, cooking meals, nodding and smiling and decision making and go go going, Sunday’s are the day in which I get a little return. No, I don’t go to church, it’s our family […]

Methodical Wellness

Parenting makes me purposeful. I sit on the floor to read or play and I place myself with purpose. I align my back and cushion where needed, prepared to stay as long (or as short) as necessary. I am more aware now. I pay attention to where I lay us in bed, careful to leave […]

Emotional Onslaught

My mood is all consuming these days. Every distraction from it is fleeting at best. I agonize over the cause and effect. Exhausting. It’s exhausting. An excerpt, for your amusement: Am I having a bipolar induced depression? Am I even bipolar? If I was bipolar wouldn’t the Zoloft I’m taking for PPD trigger mania? Mania […]

What Not To Say

You know what I hate being asked? “Why is your anxiety so bad today?”, or “What’s causing your anxiety?”, or “Why is today so hard?” If I knew the answers to any of those questions I’d probably be a lot better off than having to tell someone, “I’m sorry, my anxiety is really bad today.” […]

Fearing the Foolish

I wish I’d spent more of my life looking foolish. As silly as it sounds, in a life filled with glaringly bad decisions, this is my one regret. I wish I hadn’t been so afraid to spend a little time looking foolish. Sometimes I lay awake in bed at night and watch my daughter sleep, […]

Midnight Intuition

Ever have one of those moments where you think “Yeah, this kid is awesome but I don’t know what God was thinking… she’s got zero chance of coming out of this childhood unscathed.” This evening I escaped from my bedroom and went to stand in the silent downstairs and be alone with the idea that […]