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Ready For 34

It’s the eve of my birthday and that, for me, is always a time of reflection. Where am I now, where was I then… that sort of thing. It’s amazing to chronicle the turning of the years in this way. I can’t remember many of the birthday parties, heck I can’t even remember some of […]

blogging therapy

Why Write?

I spent 45 minutes tonight staring at my computer and trying to figure out what my motives are in writing and publishing the posts on this blog. I argued back and forth in my head, selfishness vs nobility. It finally occurred to me that it’s neither. I’m not out to play the devil; I don’t […]

Truth Is

I hesitate to put thought to paper everything seems more real that way and words feel so permanent as if I’m committing to an emotion I didn’t give my consent to feel. Truth is, nothing feels right anymore and I wonder how I ever knew with such assurance what right really was to begin with. […]

Diagnosis

I’m staring at a blank screen and thinking, I’m supposed to be sharing how I feel. And then I realize, I don’t have any idea how I feel. I don’t know anything about myself. I suddenly have no idea who I am, which parts of me are real, or what will remain of me. It’s […]

Oh My God

The other night I sat down to write about some of the difficulties I’m having lately. I started with the question, “Where is God in all this?” I looked up from the computer, pondering this question, when suddenly it seemed that He was sitting at the other end of the table, waiting on my answer […]

One More Breath

I want a drink. It is consuming every part of me, though today is better than yesterday. I don’t just want to taste a good beer or sip a warm wine. I want to get drunk. I want to get drunk and then I want to have a laughing, sprawling, too-loud-for-that-time-of-night party. This would seem […]

Games For One

              Driving without headlights white knuckled steering wheel Self-Destruct in the window Am I coming or going? Flying without wings because falling infers accident Going Crazy is the soundtrack Am I singing or listening? Ring around the rosy is now a game for one we’re turning and circling till […]

Layers of Insane

Growing up I watched my mother jump from project to project, from passion to passion.  Midwifery and breastfeeding, homeschooling, cross stitch, quilting, vegetarianism, various church groups and causes, cooking, gardening and canning, horses, dogs, goats, religions of different shapes and sizes; her attention span wasn’t her strong point.  She’d tell you that all of those […]

Face Yourself (part one…)

Today’s post is written by a very special guest blogger, who can be seen in the photogaph.  She turns 19 in December, and she’s been clean for 8 days.  8 short days if you’re on the outside looking in, 8 very long days if you’re on the one fighting for your sobriety by the hour.  Today’s […]

Despite Myself

“Every woman I’ve ever met feels it – something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, […]