Seana Speaks

Despite Myself

“Every woman I’ve ever met feels it – something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, […]

Lead Me Not Into Temptation

Most of the time when I start writing, I begin with a pretty clear idea of what I want to write about, what it is that I’m trying to say. What ends up as the final product, however, is rarely what I intended. Very often I unearth things about myself, about my thoughts and my […]

What Do We Call This

The older I get, the more in control I like to be. Suddenly things like “planning ahead” and “knowing what to expect” are important to me, and to my sense of well-being. This strikes me as odd. I thought that responsibility came with family and possessions and, since I have neither, I would somehow get […]

I Could Do That

There are so many people out there doing amazing things. I look at them and think, “I could do amazing things, too.” And I could, if only I would take that first step. But I begin to wonder, what is that first step? What direction does it lead in? What does the second step look […]

This is Church?

I have a friend who wrestles very seriously with whether or not to let her church family know that she occasionally has a glass of wine. There’s another who worries about what impact her platonic relationships with the opposite sex will have on her standing within the church. I have a friend who struggles to accept a theological precept of the church but is fearful to talk about it with anyone. Is this the church where I am supposed to feel safe to confess my sins, to share my struggles?

The Spirit of Fear

It’s Halloween at midnight. I’m just home from work but not yet in bed because I have to make sure there’s a fire going or I’ll be too cold to sleep. If there is a moon tonight, you can’t tell by looking outside. I’m surrounded by a dark forest beneath a dark sky. The only […]

Kicking and Screaming Sobriety

Kicking and screaming sobriety, that’s what this is. I normally end relationships that are this difficult. If I have to work this hard to make you stay, we’re probably better off going in our separate directions, know what I mean? I wrestle with my personality when I’m sober. I have expectations of myself that are […]

Me & the Mrs.

If there has ever truly been a time when there was a tug of war between my self-control and my desire to be completely obliterated it is now. I cannot remember another point when my emotions and my desire to drink were so completely connected before, and I was so aware of it. I can […]

Finding Love

I don’t want to possess a man, I want to captivate one. I don’t want to fall into the same bed, in the same pose, night after night; I want the rythym of my pulse to be the beat his blood pumps to. I’m Anais Nin reawakened and I don’t want to settle for the […]

Hold the advice, please.

I’ve been wondering lately why we give advice to people? When asking ‘why’, I mean to say, what is the motivation for one person to offer a word of advice to another person? Call me a cynic, but I think that most people are, most of the time, pretty focused on themselves and their own […]