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Where is my hope?
What, now, is my promise?
Is there a reason for tears when no one who will see will understand?

Hope and promise for a fleeting pleasure, barely more than a bowl of stew to the hungry.


so you say

So you say you want honest
all creamy and velvety with its heart on it’s sleeve;
yeah sure, that’s what they all want
until she isn’t who you thought
with stories that eye open and even intimidate.


Searching for God

I’m not having a crisis of faith, I’m having a crisis of relationship. I am absolutely convinced that there is more to life with God than what I can do for Him and what I can give up for Him. There must be more than this endless cycle of guilt for not being able to do enough, and guilt for not being able to live well enough.

screwtape letters

Screwtape’s Influence

With just enough truth, any line of thought can begin to confuse, until, eventually, I become aware that there’s a war in my mind and begin to participate. Except, what now is truth and what is born of revelation, and what has been planted and growing without my permission? Which line of thought is it, then, that I am arguing?


Life Outside The Box (let there be cake!)

It’s relatively easy to be a Christian and to walk roads soundly investigated, approved and maintained by the traditional church. It isn’t difficult to live life uncompromised on Sunday morning or at a gathering of like minded friends and family. It isn’t hard to stand your ground when no one is challenging you, or tempting you.


Just confess…and ask for help.

It’s true, I haven’t been doing a very good job at this Christian thing lately. I haven’t really done anything wrong, not those things that make devout people shudder and swoon anyway, I just haven’t really done anything. Between action and apathy, I’d say apathy is the greater danger.


Say something!

  Say something. Say anything. Shout loud and proud and full of wisdom, or whisper weeping remorse.  Just say something, out loud. The silence is what kills you.  Say something. Say anything. Release the noise endless in your head. Give pause to the maybe and the what if and speak your way to peace within. […]


better than alone

Now that I am healing, changing, growing, is it normal to demand a certain level of authenticity in my relationships; to believe that if you say you are my friend, you behave as though it is true? Am I being too demanding or am I breaking old and bad habits? Is the guilt I feel when I assert my rights or my boundaries actually just the last cries of an old identity who has no place anymore?

Let it out

the beauty of sadness

I am sad today. Today I think somber thoughts and feel tangibly the veil of sorrow settle over me. It’s odd, though, the way this particular sadness feels. It’s a gentle weight, almost a comfort. It’s feels familiar, like a hug from a dear friend when you’ve been fighting to maintain your smile and you suddenly know, in the comfort of that hug, that you’re safe for that moment just to be sad.



I loved you then
in a way I tried to love you now.
Funny how you can’t love what doesn’t exist.
Who…where… are you?