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Stop Pretending To Be Okay

I feel good today. If I didn’t that’d be alright too, I suppose. I stopped pretending I was just like everyone else a couple years ago so now no one even thinks to expect it. These days I don’t even know if I believe in a ‘just like everyone else’… It’s more like a median line […]

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The Stigma of Society Infuriates Me

It is time for me to write something. And since, for Instagram, that means having a photograph, I thought, “I’ll take a little selfie while I’m at it.” So I picked up my phone and thought “smile for the people, Seana.” Fail. I’m a little weary these days thanks to a sick toddler and a […]

I think you're rather nice

Maybe You’re Not Crazy

This morning I read that of 78% women suspect that they have a mental illness. (NAMI) Do you know what that says to me? Pretty much no one feels okay in their own skin any more. Definitely not the women. And can you blame us? The expectation of accomplishment is ever growing, both from society and from […]

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Dear World, Please Let It Be

And I think that this – this thing that we have to somehow fix, this thing we have to find the answer for – this is not a single fight of a single man, or woman, or race, or nation. There is no religion or dogma or system of belief or freedom under attack. This is a thing that is bigger than your gun, or your geography, or your rights, whatever you may hold them to be.

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Identity, A Love Story

There is this feeling I sometimes feel. It’s so powerful, it feels like reality. Like, not just a feeling that comes and go’s and wanes and grows over months or weeks or sometimes mere hours, it feels like it’s forever, like it’s reality. It is this feeling where I look in the mirror and I […]

me

Today I Felt Beautiful

Today, Standing with my back to the four windowed corner of my dining room, Wearing a simple black dress that my husband loves, and bare feet, My hair in yesterday’s mohawk (that my six year old nephew thinks is cool). Bare faced. Today, In that moment, surveying my dirty house while I hummed a tune, […]

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To The Person Newly In Recovery

You are not your enemy. Addiction is your enemy. Your silence does not protect your dignity, it promotes the stigma of your disease. The disease lives in you but it does not define you. You define you.

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Breaking In Front of Baby

Yesterday I broke. I knew it was coming. I could feel myself getting rougher around the edges. Edgier, more impulsive, more inclined to sudden fits of rage. I’m weaning off of my mood stabilizing medication in preparation for childbirth in five weeks and the new, breastfeeding safe, medication that will start after that. I’m beginning […]

A Kiss For Jason

I’m Pretty Wonderful, Too

My husband didn’t know about my addiction and alcoholism until we were hip deep into our relationship. He didn’t know how much I truly loathed winter until we were married. He didn’t know I had a mental illness until we had a baby. I didn’t keep things from him, I just didn’t know. We moved […]

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Mom Doesn’t Play By My Rules

I’ve been trying to write about my mom for a long time. I start and I can’t finish. I just don’t know what to say. It’s just that I don’t understand. Writing is usually a way to help me understand – myself, other people, the world – but it doesn’t matter how I spin it, […]