Seana Speaks

To The Person Newly In Recovery

You are not your enemy. Addiction is your enemy. Your silence does not protect your dignity, it promotes the stigma of your disease. The disease lives in you but it does not define you. You define you.

Breaking In Front of Baby

Yesterday I broke. I knew it was coming. I could feel myself getting rougher around the edges. Edgier, more impulsive, more inclined to sudden fits of rage. I’m weaning off of my mood stabilizing medication in preparation for childbirth in five weeks and the new, breastfeeding safe, medication that will start after that. I’m beginning […]

I’m Pretty Wonderful, Too

My husband didn’t know about my addiction and alcoholism until we were hip deep into our relationship. He didn’t know how much I truly loathed winter until we were married. He didn’t know I had a mental illness until we had a baby. I didn’t keep things from him, I just didn’t know. We moved […]

Mom Doesn’t Play By My Rules

I’ve been trying to write about my mom for a long time. I start and I can’t finish. I just don’t know what to say. It’s just that I don’t understand. Writing is usually a way to help me understand – myself, other people, the world – but it doesn’t matter how I spin it, […]

Maybe, just maybe, TV isn’t the actual devil.

Have you noticed that the one thing it’s totally okay for moms to feel guilty (and be made to feel guilty about) is television watching? Every post or blog that even has the word “television” in it also includes some lengthy disclaimer about types of carefully selected shows or carefully monitored time or extreme circumstances that allow for the horror that is your children watching tv.

Bipolar Sucks

Sometimes I don’t want to spin positive. I don’t want to look at a glass and be mindful that is half full. Being bipolar sucks. Even with acceptance and awareness and proper management, it sucks and it’s always going to suck, at least on some level at some amount. I think it’s the unpredictability that […]

Gentle Parenting With A Mental Illness

I have been diagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar ii. I like to tell people it’s “not the crazy crazy kind of bipolar” but who am I kidding? I am crazy as hell some days. My mental illness results in lots of anxiety, sometimes an undercurrent and sometimes a tidal wave, and depression that ranges from […]

You Bring Restoration (whomever you are and whatever that is)

You bring restoration… I’m singing the words in the shower but I have no idea who I’m singing them to. You bring restoration… I barely even know what the words I’m singing mean anymore. You bring restoration… to my soul. I am always, always, either fully confident in… or fully afraid of… the state of […]

A Secret Community; The Power of Transparency

As some of you know, last week I had what was, for me, a rather significant falling apart. It didn’t come all at once and there wasn’t much of a public showdown, but it was powerful and awful and very scary. It was an emotional break several weeks in the making while I ignored red […]

Unconditional Love is Real

My experience in our childhood home was not one of unconditional love. Affection and praise was earned though a seemingly arbitrary set of rules, and punishment often came in the form of withheld love. “I don’t feel like speaking to you,” my mother would say dismissively through clenched teeth. “Go to your room, I don’t […]