Seana Speaks

Dying for Help; Why Sick People Kill Themselves

Why do people with mental illness kill themselves when all they have to do is reach out for help? As some of you may remember, I recently went off my mood stabilizing medication in order to get pregnant. At first it was fine. I felt pretty okay. But things soon started to deteriorate. I felt […]

Not Like The Others

It’s important for you to know and to remember that you are 99.9% unlike most any other person you’re ever going to meet. Because the entire world is going to tell you things that they expect to work for you to fix the things that are “wrong” with you. And they’re mostly going to tell you the things that worked to fix them. But you’re not them. And maybe some of their things will work for you and maybe some of their things won’t.

Personal Vending Machine

Want sex as a party favor? She’s your girl. Call her up. Your personal vending machine. Feed in a handful of weed and out comes a blow job, slow and lazy, an obligatory gratitude. Looking for something a little less routine? Vending machine turned glory hole turned full on show, yours for the taking, if […]

Family Isn’t Permanent

I used to be part of a family. A large, mostly happy family; a family filled with love and a strong attachment to one another. Or that’s the way I seem to remember it. Growing up there were six of us. My mother and father (technically step-father but he was with us from the time […]

(Some of) The Things I Did

The shame of sexual abuse is strong and lingering. Though my now fully developed, grown up brain tells me that, as a child, I could not be held responsible for the actions of those much older than myself, that abuse is not ever the fault of the victim, there is still a huge piece of […]

Accepting yourself

Break the Silence; Break the Stigma

I don’t know most of the people who follow my Facebook page at this point. It’s an incredible and humbling thing, to be allowed to speak on topics so personal to total strangers. I confess, I pretend that you are *all* strangers, that no one I know reads this. I pretend, while I write, that I […]

I am sad. I’m afraid. I worry.

I am sad. I am sad because we’ve decided that it is time to wean our 21 month old daughter and, as a tool to help with night weaning, to move her out of the family bed and into a bed, and room, of her own. She is growing up, becoming more independent; her father […]

I Hate Relationships

I hate relationships. It’s a terribly unfeminine trait, I know. But I do. I hate them, I always have. I hate the confusion of them, the work of them, the upkeep. I feel calmer and more at peace with myself when I am not responsible to or for anyone. When the first and final opinion […]

I Would Have Given Up On Me

Coming home from work tonight an old karaoke song came on the radio. “Nothing Compares 2 U” by Sinead O’Connor. I’d learned it, and performed it, with the sole purpose of winning back my ex-girlfriend. It worked, beautifully and miserably. Beautifully because – yay success! And miserably because – wow, we really should never have […]

Parenting on Purpose: Mothering and Mental Health

She is clinging to my leg and my skin is crawling. “Mommy is just getting you a bowl of cereal, darling, I can pick you up in just a minute.” I am hoping she can not hear the rising panic in my voice. I make sure to speak pleasantly and slowly; I work hard to […]

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