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alcoholism – Seana Speaks
Seana Speaks

To The Person Newly In Recovery

You are not your enemy. Addiction is your enemy. Your silence does not protect your dignity, it promotes the stigma of your disease. The disease lives in you but it does not define you. You define you.

Sure of What You Know

Today I feel as if I am taking my first good, deep breath in nearly two weeks. I’ve been reading a book (Why Am I Still Depressed by Jim Phelps) about Bipolar ii Disorder and learned that, if you pay careful attention, you can tell when your mood is about to shift. The author says […]

It’s Not Addiction; It’s Alienation

Lately life, with every up and down, kindles in me the desire for a drink. It’s not as cut and dry as just alcoholism. It’s not just wanting a drink for the rum’s sake, not just the liberation of carefree numb. It’s wanting to be normal. It’s a longing for escape, but not the expected […]

I Believe In “Never Again”

It can be overwhelming to look into the face of addiction and vow “never again.” I remember when I left Dallas headed for rehab in New York. My intention was that I would be gone from the city and people that I loved for the minimum required stay of 6 months and then I would […]

I want to drink. (I do not drink).

People congratulate me when they see me out with a kombucha or other non-alcoholic drink in hand. “Still not drinking, huh?” No matter who it is that’s asking, they always sound a bit surprised and mildly impressed. While at first it was tiring, I understand now that they do not sound surprised because they expected […]

Lessons I Keep Relearning

There are a few lessons I keep learning again and again. No matter how many times I argue myself out of the following truths, they don’t become any less true. I may as well just stop trying. It’s time to face the facts. 1. Procrastination is not worth it. The truth is, I really do relax […]

Kicking and Screaming Sobriety

Kicking and screaming sobriety, that’s what this is. I normally end relationships that are this difficult. If I have to work this hard to make you stay, we’re probably better off going in our separate directions, know what I mean? I wrestle with my personality when I’m sober. I have expectations of myself that are […]

Me & the Mrs.

If there has ever truly been a time when there was a tug of war between my self-control and my desire to be completely obliterated it is now. I cannot remember another point when my emotions and my desire to drink were so completely connected before, and I was so aware of it. I can […]

addiction felt organic

Addiction felt organic. Like I went back in time, to when people worried about the basic needs: food, shelter and warmth. Addiction feels like that, like modern society’s only solution to returning to that level of simplicity, except the basic needs change – to money and drugs.

every story has a beginning

I have not loved every moment of my journey. I don’t, in fact anticipate loving every moment of what is to come. But I do thank God for every step, every turn and every fall. I thank God for allowing each moment that brought me to this very one. There are certain things I know; […]