Tag: church

I have a friend who wrestles very seriously with whether or not to let her church family know that she occasionally has a glass of wine. There’s another who worries about what impact her platonic relationships with the opposite sex will have on her standing within the church. I have a friend who struggles to accept a theological precept of the church but is fearful to talk about it with anyone. Is this the church where I am supposed to feel safe to confess my sins, to share my struggles?

I cannot stand to be this far from God. And yet, here in church, I look around, and I cannot bear the thought of plugging back into this. It is so hollow. Accomplishing nothing. Self-focused. Empty. Is this my choice?! Is this what I should give up a life I love for? I cannot stand the idea of it. I don’t want anything that isn’t true and authentic and effective. What shall I do, God? Where shall I go?!”

I don’t want to chase my destiny. I don’t want to spend my life following a (or every) prophetic word. It’s not that I’m unwilling or disinterested, it’s just that, well, it’s my destiny, right? I imagine just living life is what’s going to get me there. Chasing destiny burnt me out. Living life brings me peace.

I’m not having a crisis of faith, I’m having a crisis of relationship. I am absolutely convinced that there is more to life with God than what I can do for Him and what I can give up for Him. There must be more than this endless cycle of guilt for not being able to do enough, and guilt for not being able to live well enough.

It’s relatively easy to be a Christian and to walk roads soundly investigated, approved and maintained by the traditional church. It isn’t difficult to live life uncompromised on Sunday morning or at a gathering of like minded friends and family. It isn’t hard to stand your ground when no one is challenging you, or tempting you.

I war against judgment and believe in acceptance of a person for humanity’s sake without regard to the how and why of their life and lifestyle. It’s true that change is a beautiful and necessary part of growth and redemption and true liberation, but it would be wrong to allow any perception I may have of how you should or could change affect whether or not I can embrace you for who you are in your today. I have not extended that grace to myself.