I am sad today. Today I think somber thoughts and feel tangibly the veil of sorrow settle over me. It’s odd, though, the way this particular sadness feels. It’s a gentle weight, almost a comfort. It’s feels familiar, like a hug from a dear friend when you’ve been fighting to maintain your smile and you suddenly know, in the comfort of that hug, that you’re safe for that moment just to be sad.
I’ve had a revelation of emotion as I ponder today’s sadness: it is sometimes okay, and sometimes even good, to be sad. I don’t need to fight my way through or coach myself with optimism. I don’t need to reach out for comfort in hopes of pushing this feeling away. I needn’t feel guilty or ashamed or worried about whether or not I will still be sad tomorrow. This is one of those “sometimes” when the gentle weight of sadness is good. I have reason to be sad, therefore it is wise to allow myself to be so. I am not depressed, I am not weak, I am not lacking in faith or losing my trust in God. I am sad. An emotion, no doubt, that He created in us to release the pressure of sorrowful happenings.
I am liberated today in my sadness. I remember where to turn and who to dwell quietly with as I allow my emotions to mourn. I sit still and think the thoughts that must be thought and allow myself to truly feel what has taken place and what will need to be changed.
In today’s sadness I am empowered, I prepare for a new dawn. Quietly, without fanfare, I say goodbye to something that was, acknowledging it for when it was beautiful and remembering why it began. There is strength in my sadness today. By allowing it, by accepting it, I also accept that the thing that was, is, in fact, no more. My sadness today makes a statement that I am going to change. It is proof that I am accepting what is next and releasing what was before.
I am grateful for this emotion, even as it lingers, because of what it means for tomorrow. I am thankful that I have healed in my journey to the place where I can feel this subtly sweet sorrow without the balm of one of many addictions, past or present.
Just as this sadness speaks life to my future, it breathes healing to my past.
It’s all enough to smile about, but, not just yet. I’ve a little more to remember first, a little more to let go. I’m going to be okay with being sad just a little bit longer. Because, sometimes, it really is okay.